Side note - I completely ran out of time and energy at this point between the holidays and being hopped up on cold meds for a week at this point. So just like the original trilogy, the quality of the third one fell way down!
Episode III - Return of the Panthi
(The ever famous beginning scroll)
A dark period had encompassed the prestigious planet of Oakland. In the aftermath of the damage caused by the evil cockroach Darth Graham, the Cathedral of Learning could be seen in a state of disarray.
The Panthers' football program was in a state of emergency. The pits of Birmingham had claimed another coach. Would it also claim recruits? The program had become the butt of many jokes, but had sworn to persevere.
The prophecies foretold of a savior that would come from Wisconsin of the Dagobah System. He was quite possibly the greatest Jedi of them all. It would be up to him to guide the team back to glory.....
Paul Skywalker returned from the Dagobah system to claim his role as the leader of the Panther force. He was eagerly accepted by the Panther base. He seemed like a guy you could just kick back with at the Mos Eisley Cantina and have a beer or two with, or if you are Bret Bielema, you meet your wife there.
It was the final year in the Big East for the Panthi. They would be leaving for the greener pastures of the ACC following this season. Expectations were high, but it was another up and down season for the Panthers, ending with a .500 record and another trip to Birmingham to a place the team was unhappily familiar with this time of year.
Bret Bielema, the coach of Paul Skywalker's hometown Wisconsin Badgers, decided to bolt for Arkansas unexpectedly.
Rumors abound that Paul automatically became the frontrunner for the job. But it was all for not, for there was still a man with integrity in Madison. Said the great Barry Wan Kenobi "I am not a dick." Paul Skywalker followed "I too am not a dick."
Hail to Pitt