It's that time of year again. The holidays are upon us, and sure Christmas is a few days away, but let's be real here - today is the reason for the season. Today is Festivus, and if you don't know what that means - I'll fill you in on my religious customs.
Festivus is a fictional holiday from the TV show Seinfield. So take the time, and watch season nine episode ten to get up to speed. Essentially, we are here to "air some grievances" with everyone and anything that remotely deals with Pitt athletics. And later, the feats of strength, but that's a different story. So here we go, because "I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you're going to hear about it"
To the ACC Bowl Selection Process....
What the Hell? Seriously. Pitt goes 8-4 and 6-2 in the ACC, and the best they could get is the Military Bowl in Annapolis? Please. Many of us have come to peace with the decision, but let's be honest - do you even know how this bowl selection process? Does it even matter? The fourth place team in the league shouldn't be going to the bowl reserved for the ninth place bowl. I know, I know "attendance, travel, yada yada yada" I get it, but can we get a better structure for next season. Heck I'll settle for some defined guidelines on who gets what bowl.
To you fools that keep spelling the James Conner with an "O"
James Connor doesn't play for Pitt, that's about all you need to know. Is it so hard to spell it correctly? It's Conner, prettay-prettay-prettay simple.
To Curtis Aiken
This isn't a big deal, but Sheldon Jeter has never stayed at the Ramada in Milwaukee. So stop calling him Derek.
To Jim Chaney
You aren't our problem anymore, and that's fine with me. 3rd down and four halfback pitches to the short side of the field is now a Georgia fan base problem. Perhaps there's more to you, Jim Chaney, that meets the eye. On second thought, no there's less.
For crying out loud, I know it takes a while to "rebrand" a school. But Pitt started doing the whole script thing over a year ago, and all we have is a few t-shirts to pick from in the stores. Pretty soon, Pitt may have to take their merchandise deals elsewhere.
To James Franklin
To those Pitt fans that tweet recruits
Just stop. If you ever need a guide on this, here is something you should follow.
To the college football schedule makers
Please stop with the noon kickoffs for Pitt. I beg of you, please. Give me 3:30 or give me death.
To the ACC
Building on that last one, come on Pitt's biggest home game was on a Thursday night. Basically Thursday night football is horrible. It's hard for people to travel, and it really crushes home field advantage.
To the ACC Refs
It's nothing you guys haven't heard already. You have been a joke all year long, and that's not even a Pitt specific issue. The Miami/Duke disaster, the Clemson/North Carolina offsides call, and the countless times you screwed up the review process. I just hope for your sake, you don't have to call a big bowl game and blow a big call in something so important.
To the "Fire Jamie Dixon after every time Pitt loses a basketball game" crowd
Just relax, the guy is a good coach. He's not perfect, but he's not going anywhere anytime soon. Your cries are falling on deaf and annoyed ears. So seriously, Get Out!
To Steve Pederson
Oh man, ohhhhh man. I just might be saving you for the feats of strength. It's like Scott Barnes came in here and did the opposite of anything you have ever done - and it's working.
To Paul Chryst
Actually man, you are on my good side right now. Thanks for all you have done, here I even got you something.
To Todd Graham
My biggest issue with you right now is that stupid microphone you wear during games. It looks like you are an infomercial host. Obviously times have changed, because I'm cool with everything else you've done. All prior grievances have been aired already.
To National Broadcasts
There is more to Pittsburgh than old steel mills that are barely active and Primanti's sandwiches. Show some other stuff or restaurants for a change on your broadcasts.
PITT is the school. "Pit" and "Pgh" are proper ways to abbreviate the city. Stop with the confusion.
TO FOXCATCHER DIRECTOR BENNETT MILLER
I want you to know that I saw your film specifically because I wanted to see The Pete on the big screen, and you rewarded me with perhaps a five second scene that was 90% the Hulk shrugging. I probably should've just gone to see "ROCHELLE, ROCHELLE."
So there are a few of my Pitt-related grievances, leave some of yours in the comment section. And to all, Happy Festivus.