It's the offseason, and that means it's time to make arbitrary rankings (like those seen here or here) and just have at it. Here's one I made with a random number generator.
The random number generator that made this list clearly loves Michigan, the number one team on this list, because they are the number one team on this list.
- Kansas State
Do you think Kansas State is too high? Too low? Just about right? Come argue with me about these results down in the comments. Come on, what else are you doing today? We have like three months to kill.You can also post your own list and I'll tell you why it's wrong.
I mean, seriously! I have Iowa in the number three spot! There's no way that's right.
Illinois had only a so-so football season last year, going 6-7 (3-5 in the Big Ten) and losing in the Heart of Dallas Bowl to Louisiana Tech. This wound up not mattering, however, because nothing about a school's football program was taken into consideration in the making of this list.
Pitt disappoints again by fairing very well on an entirely arbitrary sorting of teams. Had they have ranked relatively low, I would've been able to make some sort of snide comment about Pitt not being able to even do okay on a random list. Pitt being ranked this highly on a Pitt blog just makes us seem biased.
Speaking of biases, that's four - count 'em, four - Big Ten teams in the top six! Think about what that would mean for that conference going forward if anything about this meant anything.
You're probably wondering why there's a picture of Derrick Randall getting smacked in the face at the top of this thing. It's a good question.
- Iowa State
Both Iowa schools rank very highly. Good for them! Good for Iowa. Every bit helps.
Just think: ten years ago, TCU wouldn't have made a list like this one. Now, they're in ninth. An inspiring story if there ever was one.
Coming in at #10 and rounding out the top ten is Navy, who finished up the top ten at the number ten spot.
- Oregon State
- North Carolina
- Michigan State
- NC State
- Florida State
This is a good time to point out that on the off chance you run or contribute to an SB Nation Affiliate Blog, you can by all means repackage this content as, say, "Florida State Ranks #15 in Arbitrary Power Ranking." (Look! I already wrote the headline!) Just be sure to link back to the original content while you're doing so.
Just saying: I wouldn't mind at all if you did that.
- West Virginia
I'll say this about ol' WVU: there's probably not much at which they actually come in 17th out of 68. They're either gonna be the best at what they do (partyin', film criticism, being generally awful) or the worst at what they do (hoo boy. hooooo boy).
- Ohio State
All three of these teams won a national championship this year in something, so there ya go.
- Wake Forest
- Texas A&M
- South Carolina
- Oklahoma State
With ten relatively uninteresting spots in a row from #21-31, this seemed like a natural break point to add commentary.
- Penn State
- Notre Dame
BLAMMO! Alabama! Penn State! USC! Notre Dame! There's some pepper for ya!™
- Washington State
Syracuse is a very "37th of 68" sort of place and school, so this works out nicely.
- Virginia Tech
- Miami (FL)
Miami - we're talking about pepper, you want a school with some pepper? There's some pepper for ya!™ So much pepper.
Even though this is literally a randomly-sorted list of every Power Five conference team, it's still a bit surprising to see Purdue make the cut.
- Mississippi State
- Texas Tech
Figured that Texas Tech would have to show up somewhere, though.
- Arizona State
Maybe you're happy that Arizona State is ranked this low. After all, they stole a football coach from us a few years ago. That is because you are crazy. This is a meaningless ranking made by an unfeeling machine. You either need to let that grudge go or be at least equally upset at Wisconsin.
- Georgia Tech
- Boston College
This is about right.
- Ole Miss
Oh no, I've put Ole Miss last! Oh well, what're you gonna do? I mean, when you think about it, there's only one conclusion: there's some pepper for ya!™
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