clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Cardiac Spill: Power Rankings 2016!

We're almost through the offseasons, which means I only need to write one more article before stuff starts happening again. As such, it's time to look at this year's Power Rankings!

Jason Getz-USA TODAY Sports

As always, these are produced with a random number generator, but that won't stop us from ascribing meaning to them. I highly encourage you to discuss your school's ranking (too high? too low?) in the comments and to write articles on other blogs about this.

Number in parentheses represents change from 2015 Ranking

Tier One: "Cream" of the Crop

1. Florida State (+14)

Congratulations to Florida State on being named #1! Florida State was a natural choice for this spot after the random number generator I use to make these rankings gave it the #1 spot.

2. Air Force (New)

Extremely strong debut by Air Force, which I forgot to include in last year's ranking for some reason. And you know what? They deserve it. The troops deserve it.

3. Tennessee (+19)
4. Arizona (+21)
5. North Carolina (+7)

NORTH CAROLINA BIAS REMAINS VERY REAL... FATE ITSELF HAS PLACED THE TAR HEELS IN THE TOP 12 TWO YEARS IN A ROW. ....JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE PARAN.OID DOES NOT MEAN THEY'RE NOT COMING TO GET YOU....

6. Georgia (+42)
7. UCLA (+42)

Freaky, right?

Tier Two: Say "Cheese!"

8. Kansas State (-8)
9. Kansas (+22)

Kansas made huge strides this year, but not quite enough to beat out perennial power (and local rival) Kansas State.

10. Texas (+53)
11. Missouri (+45)
12. LSU (+52)
13. Baylor (+33)

A bunch of former bottom-feeders who made big leaps this year. Congrats to them! Excellent stuff from this whole general region.

14. Navy (-4)
15. Duke (+3)
16. Alabama (+16)
17. Florida (+36)
18. Army (+31)
19. Kentucky (+38)
20. Washington State (+16)
21. Stanford (-2)
22. Oregon (+19)

Tier Three: Churn That "Butter"

23. West Virginia (-6)
24. Utah (+43)
25. TCU (-16)
26. Minnesota (+24)
27. Louisville (No Change)

Fascinating.

28. Auburn (+16)
29. Virginia (+31)
30. Michigan (-29)

Hugely disappointing result for last year's winner. Thi

31. Penn State (+2)

Hmph.

32.  Georgia Tech (+33)
33. South Carolina (-7)
34.  Ole Miss (+34)

Not the best result, but after finishing last in 2015 I'm sure they don't mind too much.

35.  Oregon State (-24)
36.  Notre Dame (-1)
37.  Rutgers (+15)

Every team below this point did worse than Rutgers! That's gotta be embarrassing.

38.  Illinois (-34)
39.  Colorado (+1)

Colorado: 39th on the ranking, 35th in our hearts.

40.  Oklahoma State (-12)
41.  Mississippi State (+14)
42.  Wisconsin (-36)
43. Clemson (-36)
44.  Oklahoma (+17)

Tier Four: No "Whey," Jose!

45.  Iowa (-42)
46.  Wake Forest (-25)
47.  Washington (+4)
48.  Michigan State (-35)
49. Arizona State (+13)
50. Vanderbilt (-7)
51. California (-22)
52. Purdue (+2)
53. Arkansas (-11)
54. Ohio State (-24)
55. Boston College (+10)

This is still about right.

56. Miami (-9)
57. NC State (-43)
58. BYU (-20)
59. Texas Tech (-1)

Tier Five: Spoiled "Milk"

60.  Maryland (-44)
61.  USC (-27)
62. Nebraska (-32)
63. Pittsburgh (-58)

Holy heck. What happened here?

64. Northwestern (-40)
65.  Iowa State (-57)
66. Texas A&M (-43)
67. Syracuse (-30)

Damn, Syracuse can't beat us in anything.

68. Virginia Tech (-29)
69.  Indiana (-10)

Did I only remember to include Air Force this so last place is also 69th place? No, it was actually a complete accident. An accident that was put in place by The Social Media Gods so that my mentions can fill up once again with people reflexively replying "nice," which is no longer a Good Thing On The Internet, nor is it a Bad Thing On The Internet, it is The Thing On The Internet, and while there are a thousand people like us who throw the softball and watch it get hit out of the park, like the casino from Hell where you always win, there are a thousand more who don't know yet that they're in Hell, that stumble into 69 unwitting and are flooded, flooded, flooded with the masses telling them Nice, and it's NNice, and what a wonderous day for them because it's always been Nice, it waill always be Nice
\
Nice
nice
nice
Nice
Nice.

Be sure to join Cardiac Hill's Facebook page and follow us on Twitter (@PittPantherBlog) for our regular updates on Pitt athletics. Follow the niceboy on Twitter: @N_THEYSTAYTHERE.