CARDIAC SPILL: WHAT IF ACC WAS REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT??

2. MIAMI // MARCO RUBIO

• RIGHT NOW CAN SAFELY BE TERMED THE "OTHER" FLORIDA OPTION IN THE GROUP
• FORMED GOLDEN CHILD THAT IS IN THE MIDST OF A COMEDOWN
• CAN WIN, BUT NO ONE'S TALKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE THAT'D BE SOOOO BORING
• USUALLY NEAR WATER

3. VIRGINIA TECH // RAND PAUL

Alright.

Hear me out on this one.

In my eyes, libertarianism is appealing to many people at least partly due its simplicity. There are clear rules to it, most primarily that the government has no right to make anyone in the state’s life worse off (e.g., through taxation or limiting freedoms), and that the powers of the state should generally be limited to policing, courts, and a military. Now, it’s an ideology, so there will be variation from person to person as to how strictly they adhere to these beliefs. But throw in some laissez-faire economics and concerns about inflation (which is very real) and that’s the gist of it.

Now, I am not a libertarian. Not to get into too detailed of a criticism, but much of my distrust in the whole enterprise stems from the fact that I simply do not believe that, left to their own devices, independent groups of self-interested actors will solve certain major problems (e.g., poverty, environmental protection, education, public health) effectively. This is not to say by any means that the United States government has a winning record when it comes to major issues, and you can go to your local library and read all about a lot of the pain this country has caused people. But it’s worked, sometimes. And to fully limit the powers of government to the above skeletal system is (to me) a surrender to the belief that we cannot do better. It’s picking an automatic B-minus instead of striving for an A.

And that’s why it seems to me like libertarian candidates like Sen. Paul (or, obviously, his father) will always do okay in elections like these - they have a steadfast base of support, for sure. This leads to some real moments in the sun (think the 2010 Congressional wave of victories) for the movement, and sometimes it's even considered a real political trend (like right now) But it's never really picked up steam, and so for me it’s hard to see them ever actually catching the proverbial brass ring.

Similarly, Virginia Tech is a program that has been bowling for over twenty straight years now, and has absolutely had some major victories along the way (including, incidentally, 2010 as well, and that time they beat Ohio State last year was pretty alright). They are a team that can be counted on to produce some results, year-in, year-out. However, ultimately? As long they’re playing Beamerball, their chances of taking it all are going to remain fairly "eh." Not saying it’ll never happen, but it’s not happening this year. Or any time soon, one would think.

Now, if only the Hokies wore gold.

7. VIRGINIA // GEORGE PATAKI

• HILARIOUSLY WHITE
• IT'LL BE REALLY, REALLY SURPRISING IF THEY'RE STILL DOING ANYTHING OF CONSEQUENCE IN DECEMBER

WHAT ABOUT THE DEMOCRATS?

HAD TO DIP OUT OF THE CONFERENCE TO MAINTAIN MY WELL KNOWN "EQUAL OFFENDER BAD BOY" STATUS::

BERNIE SANDERS IS WASHINGTON STATE BECAUSE THEY’RE DOING REALLY INTERESTING STUFF AND EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE GOING TO LOSE IT’S STILL WORTH WATCHING BECAUSE THEY’RE LOSING WITH SUCH STYLE&SUCH FLAIR

MARTIN O’MALLEY IS SMU BECAUSE THEY’RE FUNDAMENTALLY SYNONYMOUS WITH ENDEMIC CORRUPTION AND WILL LOSE SO BAD THEY'VE BASICALLY BECOME A PUNCHLINE

LINCOLN CHAFEE IS MONTANA BECAUSE ‘CONVERT AMERICA TO THE METRIC SYSTEM’ IS A VERY BOB STITT IDEA AND THEY HAVE EQUAL SHOTS OF REACHING THE NATIONAL TITLE

JIM WEBB IS TROY BECAUSE THAT’S THE LEAST CONSEQUENTIAL FBS TEAM I CAN THINK OF

JOE BIDEN IS NOT RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT RIGHT NOW, WHICH IS GOOD, BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ONE FOR HIM

AND HILLARY…

ROLL TIDE Y'ALL

ROLL DANG TIDE